9:18:00 AM

BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE

created by Ram |




BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE


Madhyapur thimi, bode, khapala tole- besides being a small world within itself to attract tourists from all over the world by some of its specialties like the tongue piercing jatra and the great Bisket jatra, its customs and traditions have given rise to a burning problem – ‘Alcoholism’ .Though the Newar community has been enriched with its norms and values and gifted a peculiarity by the ancestors, a curse of malpractice has been pasted on its forehead that has made most of the eyes tear. And the curse is non other than ‘Alcoholism’.
Newar festive is an initiation as well as an excuse to drink though peer pressure, imitating the elders; trying to be grown up and being prestigious among the groups are some other contributing factors. Some of their biggest festivals are Mani (Dashain), Gunhipuni and Bisket Jatra. The varieties of dishes they (Newars) serve are mouth watery and delicious. Beaten rice, chhyoyela, pickle, alooz and different forms of meat are some of the foods which u can’t say NO. Along with these dishes, in each and every festival, chhyang (home made rice wine) is a must. Bratabandha is one of the most important ceremonies for the young boys when they are supposed to taste wine. This is their start to the future drunkard.
Khapala tole of bode is a common resident of Newars. Most of the people, here, depends on agriculture which involves working in field under the scorching sun, transporting loads of vegetable on their shoulder and selling them early in the morning and getting back home at mid-days. To carryout all these tiresome works, the only way to recharge their energy is the home made rice wines. This is how their thirst to drink increases. Chhyang is the easily accessible drink and most of the hotels make it available to serve the customers. To this enthusiastic schedule and cool and enjoyable days with friends and drinks, a cloud of sadness has covered these days. Up to now more than a dozen of people have lost their lives with the same symptoms- liver failure, large belly, and decrease in blood pressure.
Residents of khapala tole got an uncertain call which informed Rakesh Dheke, one of the residents, who was rushed to hospital few days before, immediately needs blood. Without delay, some of the people gathered and donated their blood to him but the following day he was declared dead. He left this world leaving his newly wed wife a widow. Similar was the case of Chandra Hari. Some people had gone to donate him blood but he expired. It was those days of Dashain and everyone was filled with happiness and joy. His death could hardly be forgotten both by his family and the relatives. Within a second he turned a fine shining day into a rainy season. Waiting for a whole hour to worship the god Ganesh, the relatives of Chandra Hari, got the information that his deceased body has been taken to Pashupati for funeral. They were shocked might be the greatest shock they ever had.
When I was in fourth standard, I was shocked by the demise of my maternal uncle. As I heard, his death was a mystery. He slept two days without eating anything before he died the third day. Now I am very much sure that his daily intoxication killed him. He used to visit us and each time I would find his both eyes red and body intoxicated. My mom along with my aunts and grandma had tried a lot to convince him but all in vain. Not only he but there are more others who have made their family tear. Rajesh karmi is one of the hotel owners who, besides serving alcohols to his customers, get drunk everyday. He always finds a good reason for his intoxication. He lives with his wife and two small daughters. The couple usually has a row at the end of the day. In spite of his responsibility towards his family, he is happy with his life. His wife and his relatives have been unable to take him on the way. Instead he can argue with anyone.
Alcoholism has become a parasite and is swallowing my village. Many youngsters and aged people frequent the hotel serving chhyang and other alcohols. Whoever has this habit, his relation with the family is cold. Those alcohols fill up the body with energies which are poured into the wives somewhere to the children. A drunkard never waits for a mistake to start an argument. My father has two faces. Whatever he is in the morning can never be the same in the afternoon. Though he never gets intoxicated, he frequently argues with my mother. If he is drunk, he will be making mistakes (waiting for the milk to boil and never notices that it has spilled out – he always does this). We all are tired of telling him that alcohols are bad for health, but who cares! Nobody not even a single drinking man thinks about the families after him. What they think is that the misfortune would never befall on them. They are out of the reach of every evil. But whenever they are at the last stage, they wish to get back into the past and rectify those mistakes they had made. But its too late …..

9:15:00 AM

WHY LOVE HURTS

created by Ram |


WHY LOVE HURTS

My girlfriend once wrote to me:
Love is a patient kind. It is not jealous. Love doesn’t brag and it’s not arrogant. Love doesn’t act unbecomingly. It doesn’t seek its own way. It is not provoked. Love doesn’t take into account the wrong suffered. It doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoice in truth. Love bears all things, believes every thing, hopes and endures all things and I love you.

What she said about the lines was, she copied it from a book, which I don’t know the name, and sent it to me hoping that I would love it. I liked it then may be because I love her and everything she does but when I turned out the page and read it and tried to analyze the abstract of what's written, I realized the depth in the words. It happened to me one fine morning when I woke up and missed her a lot. I tried and collected all the things that remind me of her the most and that time I came through these lines once again. I was hurt, upset and something inside me was definitely not feeling well as I think about her. If I said I cried some lonely nights thinking about her missing those big sparkling eyes and cute face, it wouldn’t be a lie. But as I dived into the words with my girl in my mind most part of me believed everything written, though some part of me tried to oppose, and, as they say to believe is to heal, I started feeling of being reconciled to some extend.
I'm in an emotional rapport with Nina for 10 months and as in every relationship we started through happiness and laughter. Those times we believed and still do, all the joy and excitement we have ever dreamt of is coming true. With honesty in our heart and innocence in our soul, we expressed our love promised to be together and believed that nothing is going to stop us from loving each other. Together we cherished our love and felt happy and secured and loved more each day. As we grew our interest more we started missing each other a lot. From the happiness we started to move towards pain but yet didn’t stop believing each other. I must say we chose to move towards pain as every lover does.
Love hurts. This is probably the only thing that each lover agree about, may it be those who have lost their love or those who have their loved ones in their arms. For those who have experienced tragedy, deception and rebuffs in love there is no need of superfluous explanation required why love hurts. But for those who have their loved one still feel hurt and their heart filled with pain in different occasions.
The initial feeling of pain starts when one can’t find his/her loved one each time needed. The pain intensifies each time we miss our love, each time we think abut him/her and all those time we spend together. We are jealous each time our love talks about next person. We are jealous even if we know how much we both adore each other. May be we are unsecured of our love or it’s simply because we need each other the most. I was very jealous when Nina talked about that man though I stayed silent and tried to swallow the hurt feelings but I couldn’t. I wanted to tell her but different questions kept buzzing my mind – will she be mad at me if I say I am jealous?? What if she didn’t understand?? And so on. I told her-“I'm sorry but when you talked about that man I’m really jealous.” I didn’t expect but she understood. It’s very difficult to fight with jealousy alone. What I have learnt is to be honest and tell our partner else choose to live in dissatisfaction.

At early stage of love, all the lovers prefer to give more time to the loved ones. This is the time when lovers try to show how much they need each other in every step of life. As the time passes, the lovers grow more confident and understand each other more. Even if we make a mistake we are confident that our love is definitely going to understand us because we believe each other so much that one never thinks the other will lie. But as the time passes slowly it seems like we are giving less time to our love though it’s not true. We never stop asking questions to ourselves- Is s/he getting so busy that s/he doesn’t have time for me?? Has his/her feelings changed?? Or am I changing that’s why she/he stopped giving me time?? And many more. The questions never stop bothering us making us feel pain and hurt feelings. We even try to fight with these feelings each time we are near to our loved ones not getting the appropriate way to ask them. Those who dare but fail to ask it properly may also suffer to live in loneliness forever but thanks to Nina she always understands.

Needless to mention when we love someone what matters most to us is the happiness of the person loved. We never step back to sacrifice ourselves, as my Nina always does, to get a single glimpse of smile on our loved one. Its like we can fight with the whole world to make our partner feel secure but still we feel pain thinking about what if ……. This?? What if ……..that?? What if I can’t make her happy? What if I complicate her life by making her a part of me? What if I couldn’t give her all the love and care she deserves? What if my love is hurting her? How long would our happiness last? What if something happen to me and cant be with her forever??’
Every lover is always haunted by these deceptive and insignificant questions, fatal questions as the Russian dramatist and short story writer Anton Chekhov defines in his story “About love”. As he describes love is usually poeticized, embellished with roses, nightingales and all those charming things that a person wishes for but most of the time we embellish our love with fatal questions- those questions which are never answered. When we are in love, we never stop asking ourselves whether it is honorable or dishonorable, sensible or stupid, what this love will lead to and so on. If that’s a good thing or not I don’t know but that is a hindrance and a source of dissatisfaction and irritable, of that I’m certain. He concluded as when we love, we must either, in our reasoning about love, start form what is higher, more important than happiness or unhappiness, sin or virtue in their usual meanings or we must not reason at all. Love doesn’t happen for a reason. You never know when you fall in love and as we love we accept all the pains it has. Its not love that hurts, we hurt ourselves but we need to realize how needless and petty and deceptive is all that hinders us from loving each other. We must understand each other, we must cry together as we laugh together and this is what all about love- being able to smile and tear together. And still when everything seems so wrong, at the end of the day, don’t think about what separates you; focus on what holds you together!!