The thing which has the power to make you the happiest most also has the power to make you the most miserable. It is the smallest price you have to pay for being loved.
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Things to Do 27th March 2015
10 years ago
WHY LOVE HURTS
My girlfriend once wrote to me:
Love is a patient kind. It is not jealous. Love doesn’t brag and it’s not arrogant. Love doesn’t act unbecomingly. It doesn’t seek its own way. It is not provoked. Love doesn’t take into account the wrong suffered. It doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoice in truth. Love bears all things, believes every thing, hopes and endures all things and I love you.
What she said about the lines was, she copied it from a book, which I don’t know the name, and sent it to me hoping that I would love it. I liked it then may be because I love her and everything she does but when I turned out the page and read it and tried to analyze the abstract of what's written, I realized the depth in the words. It happened to me one fine morning when I woke up and missed her a lot. I tried and collected all the things that remind me of her the most and that time I came through these lines once again. I was hurt, upset and something inside me was definitely not feeling well as I think about her. If I said I cried some lonely nights thinking about her missing those big sparkling eyes and cute face, it wouldn’t be a lie. But as I dived into the words with my girl in my mind most part of me believed everything written, though some part of me tried to oppose, and, as they say to believe is to heal, I started feeling of being reconciled to some extend.
I'm in an emotional rapport with Nina for 10 months and as in every relationship we started through happiness and laughter. Those times we believed and still do, all the joy and excitement we have ever dreamt of is coming true. With honesty in our heart and innocence in our soul, we expressed our love promised to be together and believed that nothing is going to stop us from loving each other. Together we cherished our love and felt happy and secured and loved more each day. As we grew our interest more we started missing each other a lot. From the happiness we started to move towards pain but yet didn’t stop believing each other. I must say we chose to move towards pain as every lover does.
Love hurts. This is probably the only thing that each lover agree about, may it be those who have lost their love or those who have their loved ones in their arms. For those who have experienced tragedy, deception and rebuffs in love there is no need of superfluous explanation required why love hurts. But for those who have their loved one still feel hurt and their heart filled with pain in different occasions.
The initial feeling of pain starts when one can’t find his/her loved one each time needed. The pain intensifies each time we miss our love, each time we think abut him/her and all those time we spend together. We are jealous each time our love talks about next person. We are jealous even if we know how much we both adore each other. May be we are unsecured of our love or it’s simply because we need each other the most. I was very jealous when Nina talked about that man though I stayed silent and tried to swallow the hurt feelings but I couldn’t. I wanted to tell her but different questions kept buzzing my mind – will she be mad at me if I say I am jealous?? What if she didn’t understand?? And so on. I told her-“I'm sorry but when you talked about that man I’m really jealous.” I didn’t expect but she understood. It’s very difficult to fight with jealousy alone. What I have learnt is to be honest and tell our partner else choose to live in dissatisfaction.
At early stage of love, all the lovers prefer to give more time to the loved ones. This is the time when lovers try to show how much they need each other in every step of life. As the time passes, the lovers grow more confident and understand each other more. Even if we make a mistake we are confident that our love is definitely going to understand us because we believe each other so much that one never thinks the other will lie. But as the time passes slowly it seems like we are giving less time to our love though it’s not true. We never stop asking questions to ourselves- Is s/he getting so busy that s/he doesn’t have time for me?? Has his/her feelings changed?? Or am I changing that’s why she/he stopped giving me time?? And many more. The questions never stop bothering us making us feel pain and hurt feelings. We even try to fight with these feelings each time we are near to our loved ones not getting the appropriate way to ask them. Those who dare but fail to ask it properly may also suffer to live in loneliness forever but thanks to Nina she always understands.
Needless to mention when we love someone what matters most to us is the happiness of the person loved. We never step back to sacrifice ourselves, as my Nina always does, to get a single glimpse of smile on our loved one. Its like we can fight with the whole world to make our partner feel secure but still we feel pain thinking about what if ……. This?? What if ……..that?? What if I can’t make her happy? What if I complicate her life by making her a part of me? What if I couldn’t give her all the love and care she deserves? What if my love is hurting her? How long would our happiness last? What if something happen to me and cant be with her forever??’
Every lover is always haunted by these deceptive and insignificant questions, fatal questions as the Russian dramatist and short story writer Anton Chekhov defines in his story “About love”. As he describes love is usually poeticized, embellished with roses, nightingales and all those charming things that a person wishes for but most of the time we embellish our love with fatal questions- those questions which are never answered. When we are in love, we never stop asking ourselves whether it is honorable or dishonorable, sensible or stupid, what this love will lead to and so on. If that’s a good thing or not I don’t know but that is a hindrance and a source of dissatisfaction and irritable, of that I’m certain. He concluded as when we love, we must either, in our reasoning about love, start form what is higher, more important than happiness or unhappiness, sin or virtue in their usual meanings or we must not reason at all. Love doesn’t happen for a reason. You never know when you fall in love and as we love we accept all the pains it has. Its not love that hurts, we hurt ourselves but we need to realize how needless and petty and deceptive is all that hinders us from loving each other. We must understand each other, we must cry together as we laugh together and this is what all about love- being able to smile and tear together. And still when everything seems so wrong, at the end of the day, don’t think about what separates you; focus on what holds you together!!
My girlfriend once wrote to me:
Love is a patient kind. It is not jealous. Love doesn’t brag and it’s not arrogant. Love doesn’t act unbecomingly. It doesn’t seek its own way. It is not provoked. Love doesn’t take into account the wrong suffered. It doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoice in truth. Love bears all things, believes every thing, hopes and endures all things and I love you.
What she said about the lines was, she copied it from a book, which I don’t know the name, and sent it to me hoping that I would love it. I liked it then may be because I love her and everything she does but when I turned out the page and read it and tried to analyze the abstract of what's written, I realized the depth in the words. It happened to me one fine morning when I woke up and missed her a lot. I tried and collected all the things that remind me of her the most and that time I came through these lines once again. I was hurt, upset and something inside me was definitely not feeling well as I think about her. If I said I cried some lonely nights thinking about her missing those big sparkling eyes and cute face, it wouldn’t be a lie. But as I dived into the words with my girl in my mind most part of me believed everything written, though some part of me tried to oppose, and, as they say to believe is to heal, I started feeling of being reconciled to some extend.
I'm in an emotional rapport with Nina for 10 months and as in every relationship we started through happiness and laughter. Those times we believed and still do, all the joy and excitement we have ever dreamt of is coming true. With honesty in our heart and innocence in our soul, we expressed our love promised to be together and believed that nothing is going to stop us from loving each other. Together we cherished our love and felt happy and secured and loved more each day. As we grew our interest more we started missing each other a lot. From the happiness we started to move towards pain but yet didn’t stop believing each other. I must say we chose to move towards pain as every lover does.
Love hurts. This is probably the only thing that each lover agree about, may it be those who have lost their love or those who have their loved ones in their arms. For those who have experienced tragedy, deception and rebuffs in love there is no need of superfluous explanation required why love hurts. But for those who have their loved one still feel hurt and their heart filled with pain in different occasions.
The initial feeling of pain starts when one can’t find his/her loved one each time needed. The pain intensifies each time we miss our love, each time we think abut him/her and all those time we spend together. We are jealous each time our love talks about next person. We are jealous even if we know how much we both adore each other. May be we are unsecured of our love or it’s simply because we need each other the most. I was very jealous when Nina talked about that man though I stayed silent and tried to swallow the hurt feelings but I couldn’t. I wanted to tell her but different questions kept buzzing my mind – will she be mad at me if I say I am jealous?? What if she didn’t understand?? And so on. I told her-“I'm sorry but when you talked about that man I’m really jealous.” I didn’t expect but she understood. It’s very difficult to fight with jealousy alone. What I have learnt is to be honest and tell our partner else choose to live in dissatisfaction.
At early stage of love, all the lovers prefer to give more time to the loved ones. This is the time when lovers try to show how much they need each other in every step of life. As the time passes, the lovers grow more confident and understand each other more. Even if we make a mistake we are confident that our love is definitely going to understand us because we believe each other so much that one never thinks the other will lie. But as the time passes slowly it seems like we are giving less time to our love though it’s not true. We never stop asking questions to ourselves- Is s/he getting so busy that s/he doesn’t have time for me?? Has his/her feelings changed?? Or am I changing that’s why she/he stopped giving me time?? And many more. The questions never stop bothering us making us feel pain and hurt feelings. We even try to fight with these feelings each time we are near to our loved ones not getting the appropriate way to ask them. Those who dare but fail to ask it properly may also suffer to live in loneliness forever but thanks to Nina she always understands.
Needless to mention when we love someone what matters most to us is the happiness of the person loved. We never step back to sacrifice ourselves, as my Nina always does, to get a single glimpse of smile on our loved one. Its like we can fight with the whole world to make our partner feel secure but still we feel pain thinking about what if ……. This?? What if ……..that?? What if I can’t make her happy? What if I complicate her life by making her a part of me? What if I couldn’t give her all the love and care she deserves? What if my love is hurting her? How long would our happiness last? What if something happen to me and cant be with her forever??’
Every lover is always haunted by these deceptive and insignificant questions, fatal questions as the Russian dramatist and short story writer Anton Chekhov defines in his story “About love”. As he describes love is usually poeticized, embellished with roses, nightingales and all those charming things that a person wishes for but most of the time we embellish our love with fatal questions- those questions which are never answered. When we are in love, we never stop asking ourselves whether it is honorable or dishonorable, sensible or stupid, what this love will lead to and so on. If that’s a good thing or not I don’t know but that is a hindrance and a source of dissatisfaction and irritable, of that I’m certain. He concluded as when we love, we must either, in our reasoning about love, start form what is higher, more important than happiness or unhappiness, sin or virtue in their usual meanings or we must not reason at all. Love doesn’t happen for a reason. You never know when you fall in love and as we love we accept all the pains it has. Its not love that hurts, we hurt ourselves but we need to realize how needless and petty and deceptive is all that hinders us from loving each other. We must understand each other, we must cry together as we laugh together and this is what all about love- being able to smile and tear together. And still when everything seems so wrong, at the end of the day, don’t think about what separates you; focus on what holds you together!!
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