10:02:00 PM

I WISH I COULD GET LOST

created by Ram |

I didn’t cry all part of my tears yesterday, left a part of it so that I can cry today as well. I wanted all my family members to see me when I am crying especially my mom. Yes, I know what you all are thinking right now- I am weird. Whatever you think I know who I am I did what I thought was right for me; for everybody actually and if everything goes what I have planned then I am sure everyone will thank me for what I have done, my mom especially. That's why I didn’t want to cry alone last night. I helped my mom go to bed and shed half of my tears. Later on I thought why I should cry alone when no body knows what I am crying for. Anybody would have hardly heard my utter. I wanted to let them heard me out loud but then everyone would have asked me what's wrong. I don't want to answer them. I just wanted to cry in front or few meters away from them and they don't ask me the reason at the same time. Both my parents have been to bed and I can't ask them to see tear drops in my eyes. My brother is not around so I called in my elder sister and let her hear me and guess what I have been doing. She asked me many question why? How? What? But the questions were not what I wanted to hear. I just wanted her to hear me crying. That's why I turned off my phone. She tried to call in again but I never answer her. I didn’t want to. After few minutes she my phone rang again. It's my sister again. I didn’t want her to worry about me just wanted her to listen to me when I am crying so I answered this time. I told her to visit me tomorrow because I am not done with my pain and hung up the phone. I heard her say she would visit me in the morning then I hung up in the middle. I know i left her worried about everything though I didn’t want to. Guess I have no choice. I wanted it so badly which prevented me from being rational.